~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Title: Katie goes Topless
Author: Tarabeth
Characters: TJ/Katie, Chris/Verge, Jaime/Leo, Syd
Implement: Hand, Hairbrush, and wooden spoon
Warnings: Lots of angst
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Sunday
I awoke and quietly slid from bed. I quickly scribed a note, “TJ, I am busy and need to be left alone. Please stay in the bedroom. Read your book or something. No questions!”
I went into the kitchen and began to make breakfast. TJ’s favorites, a mushroom, avocado and jack omelet, peaches and raspberries, sourdough toast, and English breakfast tea with milk and sugar. I set it out on a tray using our best dishes. I went to the garden and trimmed several roses; I placed them in a vase and lit two votives.
Before I proceeded to the bedroom, I let the masseuses into the house and showed them to the living room where they could set up their tables.
I then took the tray and entered the bedroom.
“Nice note,” TJ said as I tried to push the door open. Fred and George ran around my feet to gain entry to the bedroom causing me to spin and almost lose my hold on our breakfast. TJ clapped as I resumed my balance. “Oooo, is that what I think it is?” she asked.
“I don’t know. What do you think it is?” I returned her question.
Her face lit with the most beautiful grin, “My favorite,” she stated with a soft sweetness that was only mine.
I smiled back and gave her a nod.
I slid into bed next to her, setting the tray over her lap. TJ grabbed a fork and took a small bite of the omelet, “Mmmm. It’s perfect,” she said as she leaned over and kissed me. I picked up a raspberry and placed it at her lips. “Tart,” she said, “just like you.”
“That’s me.” I said, flashing her a grin.
As TJ finished the last of breakfast, she placed the tray on the floor and then pounced on me. “Hey, hey, none of that,” I said as she began to frisky.
“But, I want you,” she pouted. My TJ isn’t a pouter, but I must say, as darling as she is when she pouts, it was difficult for me to put her off.
I climbed out of bed and handed her a robe to put on, “We don’t have time for that.”
She put her robe on. I took her by the hand and led her into the living room. It was blanketed in candlelight. Two massage tables sat beside each other and our two favorite masseuses stood by the tables. TJ pulled me into a tight embrace and dropped a soft kiss on my cheek, just below my ear, and whispered, “You are too good to me.”
I smiled and planted a soft kiss on her mouth.
I had paid a little extra to have one of the masseuses run a bath and fill the bathroom with candlelight before she left, while TJ and I stayed on the table reveling in the complete and total surrender to relaxation that we were experiencing post massage.
I got up from the table first, naked, offered TJ my hand and led her to the bathroom. She slipped into the tub and I followed, settling myself in between her legs. I rested my back against her chest and she wrapped her arms around me in a soft embrace. We remained like that, silent, for a long time.
TJ broke the silence when she felt one of my tears fall on her arm, “Oh baby, where did that come from?”
I sniffled, as more tears fell, “I don’t want you to leave again.”
“I don’t want to leave either, but I have to finish up my teaching commitment,” she said.
She turned my head towards her, more tears fell, and I nodded my acknowledgement to her.
“Hey, we’re okay, aren’t we?” She asked.
“Maybe you are,” I whispered, “I’m too lonely without you. I can’t function without you,” I told her giving over to my tears.
She turned me around, so that we both sat with our legs entwined. She pulled me into a hug so I could shed my tears buried in her embrace.
Eventually, TJ eased me out of the tub, dried me off and took me to bed. We spent most of the rest of the day cuddled together with TJ whispering reassurances to me.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Warnings: Lots of angst
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Katie**
Sunday
I awoke and quietly slid from bed. I quickly scribed a note, “TJ, I am busy and need to be left alone. Please stay in the bedroom. Read your book or something. No questions!”
I went into the kitchen and began to make breakfast. TJ’s favorites, a mushroom, avocado and jack omelet, peaches and raspberries, sourdough toast, and English breakfast tea with milk and sugar. I set it out on a tray using our best dishes. I went to the garden and trimmed several roses; I placed them in a vase and lit two votives.
Before I proceeded to the bedroom, I let the masseuses into the house and showed them to the living room where they could set up their tables.
I then took the tray and entered the bedroom.
“Nice note,” TJ said as I tried to push the door open. Fred and George ran around my feet to gain entry to the bedroom causing me to spin and almost lose my hold on our breakfast. TJ clapped as I resumed my balance. “Oooo, is that what I think it is?” she asked.
“I don’t know. What do you think it is?” I returned her question.
Her face lit with the most beautiful grin, “My favorite,” she stated with a soft sweetness that was only mine.
I smiled back and gave her a nod.
I slid into bed next to her, setting the tray over her lap. TJ grabbed a fork and took a small bite of the omelet, “Mmmm. It’s perfect,” she said as she leaned over and kissed me. I picked up a raspberry and placed it at her lips. “Tart,” she said, “just like you.”
“That’s me.” I said, flashing her a grin.
As TJ finished the last of breakfast, she placed the tray on the floor and then pounced on me. “Hey, hey, none of that,” I said as she began to frisky.
“But, I want you,” she pouted. My TJ isn’t a pouter, but I must say, as darling as she is when she pouts, it was difficult for me to put her off.
I climbed out of bed and handed her a robe to put on, “We don’t have time for that.”
She put her robe on. I took her by the hand and led her into the living room. It was blanketed in candlelight. Two massage tables sat beside each other and our two favorite masseuses stood by the tables. TJ pulled me into a tight embrace and dropped a soft kiss on my cheek, just below my ear, and whispered, “You are too good to me.”
I smiled and planted a soft kiss on her mouth.
I had paid a little extra to have one of the masseuses run a bath and fill the bathroom with candlelight before she left, while TJ and I stayed on the table reveling in the complete and total surrender to relaxation that we were experiencing post massage.
I got up from the table first, naked, offered TJ my hand and led her to the bathroom. She slipped into the tub and I followed, settling myself in between her legs. I rested my back against her chest and she wrapped her arms around me in a soft embrace. We remained like that, silent, for a long time.
TJ broke the silence when she felt one of my tears fall on her arm, “Oh baby, where did that come from?”
I sniffled, as more tears fell, “I don’t want you to leave again.”
“I don’t want to leave either, but I have to finish up my teaching commitment,” she said.
She turned my head towards her, more tears fell, and I nodded my acknowledgement to her.
“Hey, we’re okay, aren’t we?” She asked.
“Maybe you are,” I whispered, “I’m too lonely without you. I can’t function without you,” I told her giving over to my tears.
She turned me around, so that we both sat with our legs entwined. She pulled me into a hug so I could shed my tears buried in her embrace.
Eventually, TJ eased me out of the tub, dried me off and took me to bed. We spent most of the rest of the day cuddled together with TJ whispering reassurances to me.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Monday
The alarm went off at 3:30 am, causing TJ to startle awake, “What…where…why…” she glanced at the clock, “Stupid clock, it’s not supposed to go off for another hour and a half.” TJ had an early flight back to Boston; it would get her back in time to teach her Monday night class. She closed her eyes and began to lay back down.
I poked her.
“Baby it’s not time to get up yet, go back to sleep,” she said turning away from me.
I poked her again.
“Stop poking me,” she said, raising her eyebrow and yawning at the same time.
I giggled.
“What are you up to?” She asked.
“I’m horny,” I stated, as I leaned over and began to plant light kisses on her breast.
“Hmmm, maybe we should do something about that,” she said. She reached into the bedside table, tossed a bottle of lube on the bed and withdrew the basket of toys.
I sat up and clapped my hands, “Ooo, goodie toys.”
“All the better to poke you with, my little pretty,” TJ said holding up a very impressive looking dildo.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~The alarm went off at 3:30 am, causing TJ to startle awake, “What…where…why…” she glanced at the clock, “Stupid clock, it’s not supposed to go off for another hour and a half.” TJ had an early flight back to Boston; it would get her back in time to teach her Monday night class. She closed her eyes and began to lay back down.
I poked her.
“Baby it’s not time to get up yet, go back to sleep,” she said turning away from me.
I poked her again.
“Stop poking me,” she said, raising her eyebrow and yawning at the same time.
I giggled.
“What are you up to?” She asked.
“I’m horny,” I stated, as I leaned over and began to plant light kisses on her breast.
“Hmmm, maybe we should do something about that,” she said. She reached into the bedside table, tossed a bottle of lube on the bed and withdrew the basket of toys.
I sat up and clapped my hands, “Ooo, goodie toys.”
“All the better to poke you with, my little pretty,” TJ said holding up a very impressive looking dildo.
I flipped open my cell phone, as I watched TJ’s plane take off, and called the office. It was only 7:45, so no one would be there yet. I dialed in the ED’s extension, and prepared my best cough, “Uhh…” cough, choke, “Nina, I think I caught something this weekend,” cough, “I think I need to stay home today,” cough, cough, “call me if you need me.”
So what if I had a report due to Chris today, it was only for the subcontract we have with the county and he didn’t have to submit anything to the state until Friday, so it would be fine.
I got home and tossed the yogurt, banana and grape nuts breakfast that Teej had packed me into the garbage. I chose to replace TJ’s bowl of regularity with half a pint of Half Baked and an unopened carton of Everything But the…
I plopped down on the couch, turned on Buffy and enjoyed my ice cream breakfast.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
BUFFY: How long was I gone?
SPIKE: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday.
Uh ... hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?
How long was it for you ... where you were?
BUFFY: Longer.
I sniffed and wiped a tear from my cheek. Oh, poor Spike.
Ring, ring, ring.
Damn-it who the fuck is calling now? I glanced down at the caller ID: Chris Robeson. Fuck!
I picked up the phone, “Cough, cough, hello?”
“Give it up. I know you’re faking, but I could send Syd over to check you out,” Chris stated with a small bit of anger in his voice. “Why didn’t you just call me and tell me the report wasn’t done?”
Fuck! “I’m sorry,” was all I could think to say. “I was really tired this morning.”
“Yes, I figured you would be; that’s why I asked you if you were sure you could have it to me by today. YOU assured me you could,” his voice was raising.
SPIKE: You didn't tell me.
You brought her back and you didn't tell me.
XANDER: Well, now you know.
SPIKE: I worked beside you all summer.
XANDER: We didn't tell you. It was just ... we didn't, okay?
SPIKE: Listen. I've figured it out. Maybe you haven't, but I have.
“You’re watching Buffy? I thought you were tired? Get your butt into the office and send me that report; I can’t do my piece until I have your data.”
“I can’t go into the office, Nina thinks I’m sick. I don’t want to get in trouble,” I whined to him.
“Oh, but not meeting important deadlines and letting down a friend are okay?” Chris asked.
“Ummm…. well, no, but the report isn’t due to the State until Friday. I’ll get it to you tomorrow. It’ll be fine. Chill out,” I told him.
“Chill out. I leave tonight for a conference in LA and I wont be back until Thursday afternoon,” he replied gruffly.
“Oh, I forgot. I will come to your office Thursday afternoon and help you finish it,” I apologized.
“It will take all night,” he informed me.
“I promise; I’ll be there.”
“You better. I will see you at my office at 2:00 pm on Thursday. I expect your piece of the report to be perfect.”
“It will be. Have a good trip. I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too, but I’m not very happy with you at the moment. Take care of yourself this week,” he said and then he hung up the phone and I erupted into tears.
Damn it, now what was I to do?
I needed to get out of the house, but I didn’t want to be spotted around town when I had called in sick. So, I decided a trip over the hill to Santa Cruz was in order.
It was a beautiful day and I could easily have made the drive with the top down on the jeep, but I missed her, I didn’t want to take the jeep. I wanted to take her car, besides it was her car we usually took topless to the coast.
I opened the kitchen drawer to retrieve her keys. There was a yellow post it attached to her keychain, “Don’t even think of taking the Jag out. If you miss me, call me.”
Fuck her!
That note hadn’t been there before this weekend. I usually take her Jaguar out once every couple of weeks just to make sure the battery doesn’t die. I tossed the note into the trashcan, pocketed the keys and headed out to the garage.
The drive over the hill was beautiful, it was clear and in the low 70s. I had a beautiful view of the ocean the whole way down from the summit. Once in town, I parked the car just off Pacific Avenue and proceeded down the promenade.
Santa Cruz can be such a great place to get lost, there is such a mix of people--surfers, hippies, students, stoners, tourists, everyone just seems to fit in, that no one notices you.
I wondered into Camouflage, it always seems to cheer me up, but looking at the lingerie, porn, and sex toys only sent a longing ache to my crotch and I missed her more.
I eventually found myself at the end of the avenue by the head shops, tattoo parlors, and body piercing studios.
I ran my hand over my breast and could feel the barbell in my nipple. I was really hurting and there wasn’t much that would make it go away, and that was when I decided that my lone nipple piercing would be much happier to be part of a pair.
Since it was before lunch on a weekday there wasn’t much activity in the shop and the piercer was able to take me right back to the piercing room.
I sat on the exam table and took off my shirt and bra. The piercer stood and examined by breasts for a while before he used his purple marker to determine the entrance and exit holes for the piercing.
I laid down on the table; he disinfected my nipple, grasped it with the forceps and then ran first the needle through my nipple and then followed it quickly with the barbell.
My lone nipple piercing was alone no more.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I had lunch at the Saturn, where a cute girl with green spiky hair slipped me her number. She must have seen me driving the Jaguar.
One of my most favorite memories with TJ is a day we spent in Carmel, walking along the shore hand in hand at sunset.
I finished lunch and decided that a walk on the beach would help to settle my mood. I wasn’t in the mood for one of the Santa Cruz beaches. So Carmel it would be.
I walked back to car, opened the glove compartment and removed the scarf that TJ kept there to keep her hair out of her eyes.
I am much more the baseball cap type, but today I wanted to smell her, so I put her scarf on, popped her CD into the player and off I was, cruising down the coast on Highway 1.
I was just out of Watsonville, singing along with TJ, cruising at a comfortable 85 miles per hour, when I noticed the flashing red, yellow, and blue California Highway Patrol siren in the rearview mirror.
FUCK!!!!
I pulled over to the side of the road and began to reach into the glove compartment for the car’s registration, when I heard a booming voice, a familiar sounding booming voice. ‘Oh, thank you god in heaven,’ I thought.
“Place your hands on the steering wheel!” The voice boomed.
What the fuck was his problem, I rolled my eyes and continued to reach for the cars registration.
“PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL, NOW!” The voice boomed a second time.
Oh, crap maybe he doesn’t realize it’s me, I doubt he knows TJ’s car well enough to recognize it; we usually take the jeep places. I placed my hands on the steering wheel and waited for him to approach the car.
I watched as he approached the passenger side of the car with his hand draped over her gun. This was actually kind of humorous, although I was starting to think he wouldn’t see it that way.
He leaned down peered at me from the passenger side of the car.
I turned towards him and smiled.
He released his tense CHP officer pose, but quickly assumed a tense Top pose.
FUCK!
“Open the door,” Jaime growled.
I unlocked the door. “Hi, Jame,” I smiled again, but this time I also batted my eyelashes.
He let out a laugh, “Katie it has been years since that worked on me, and besides Leo does a much better ‘take pity on me’ eyelash batting.”
I blew a raspberry at him. “You used to be very taken by my eyelash batting,” I informed him.
“I also used to think I liked girls,” he replied back, still wearing a large grin.
“No, you only liked gay girls. You had the liking of gay people right; you were just liking the wrong sex gay people,” I told him.
He let out his strong deep laugh and opened the door, sat down in the passenger seat, took out his ticket pad and started writing.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a panic.
“Writing you a ticket. You were doing 85 in a 50,” he answered, a little to matter of factly for my comfort.
“But, what is the fucking benefit of having a friend who is a CHP officer if you can’t get away with a warning?” I huffed.
“To answer all of your questions during CSI,” he answered with a wink.
It wasn’t cute.
“Hey, what are you doing in my part of the world anyway? Shouldn’t you be at work?” He asked.
“None of your business. Just give me the ticket and go away!” I snapped at him.
Jamie put his hand on my thigh as if trying to comfort me. “Hey, Honey, I just want you to be safe. If I let you off with a warning, you are just going to keep on speeding. This ticket may make you think twice before you do it again,” he said with another wink, knowing full well that the ticket would not be the only thing to make me think twice about speeding again.
I could feel the tears trying frantically to burst out, but I really wasn’t in the mood for comfort from him right now. I pushed his hand off of my lap and held my hand out, “Ticket please.”
He tore off the ticket and handed it to me.
$635! I was dead.
“Thanks, can you get out of my car now,” I told him.
“Whose car?” He asked, “Does she know you’re driving it?”
“Goodbye,” I responded.
“Take care of yourself, if you are having a hard time without TJ, call her,” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “See you for Verge’s birthday dinner on Friday,” he said, and then exited the car.
I pulled back onto the highway and decided to drive home instead of going to Carmel.
I was full of nervous energy when I got home; I couldn’t stand being alone in the house, so I decided to go for a run. I drove down to Central Park to do laps around the duck pond.
I was on my third or forth lap when it happened; it was his emerging from the bushes that triggered me.
I am not exactly sure how to explain a flashback. There are probably some things that are similar for different people who experience them, but they also seem like such a personal and surreal event that it’s difficult to imagine anyone else experiencing or understanding it.
I know there is the classic tale of the veteran who comes home from war and is triggered by a car backfiring. He falls to the ground to get away from oncoming gunfire and feels as if he were back on a battlefield.
My flashbacks are different than that. I feel like someone is showing a movie of the rape, or a particular incident of the rape, in front of my eyes. It shows up transparent over what I am actually visualizing. I can sometimes hear the sounds of both this odd film and what is taking place in front of me. It is often only a flash, but sometimes longer.
I am not sure if this is the same experience I had when I first experienced the flashbacks. I’ve had a lot of therapy since then, and they aren’t as powerful or as scary as they once were, but they still carry negative energy and are pretty exhausting.
Years ago, experiencing this would have caused me to vomit on the spot and I wouldn’t be able to sleep for days or possibly longer. Today, I was just a little queasy, but it did rock my safety. I decided the best thing to do was to cut the run short and go home.
I had my cell phone with me when I was running, and it was turned on, but it was in my pocket and I didn’t hear it go off. It buzzed at me in the car, indicating that I had a message. It was from TJ; she had arrived safely back in Boston and was just calling to let me know. She said she would call me later, if I didn’t call her first.
When I got home, I decided it was probably best for me to call her.
She answered, “Hi Baby, how was your day?”
“Okay, fine,” I answered. “I was really tired after I dropped you off at the airport, so I called in sick to work. I thought it might be best if I just rested today.” See there, I told her I called in sick.
“Are you sure you are feeling okay, not to sad?” She asked.
“No, I’m fine, it was just a long weekend,” I said, adding a bit of sexiness to my voice, trying to indicate why I was tired.
TJ gave a little laugh. “I thought you had a big report due to Chris today,” she stated.
“Yeah, I did, but we talked, it’s fine, I’ll finish it tomorrow and then on Thursday I’m going to help him compile everything before he sends it off to the State on Friday,” I told her. See again, not a lie, I’m keeping her informed about everything that happened.
“Oh, that is really nice of you.”
“It’s nothing,” I told her.
“Did you get up to anything else today?” She asked.
Okay, this was the true test of my courage and truth telling. “Nope, I just rested mostly. I did go for a run,” I said. Hmmm, failed that one big time.
Well I am sure there will be other instances in the next six weeks to bring up the piercing and ticket.
Oh, and she would probably want to know about the flashback.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Tuesday
I didn’t sleep very well Monday night. Every little noise seemed to wake me up, and not just wake me up, but startle me awake in a panic. I would grasp a hold of Dexter bunny and begin the ritual of talking myself through the fact that I was safe.
I finally decided to get up and moving at 6:00 am. I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a triple vente soy mocha before I got into the office.
I had a difficult time concentrating on getting the report finished for Chris.
My normal therapy appointment is Tuesday afternoons at 3:30. I usually go home after my appointment.
At noon, I was only halfway finished with the report, so I decided I needed to cancel my therapy appointment to get the report finished. I waited until 12:30 to call Jocey, to ensure that she would be in session, when I left the message. “Hi Jocey, it’s Katie Mayfaire, I have a big report I need to get finished and I need to cancel today. I will drop a check off for my missed session tomorrow. I’ll see you next week.”
I put my office phone on do not disturb and went back to writing the report. At 5:30 my cell phone rang, it was Jocey, “Hi Jocey, I am sorry I had to cancel.”
“That’s okay, how are you?” She asked.
“I’m fine, just had to finish this report,” I told her. It probably would have been a good idea to tell her about the flashback, but it could wait until next week.
“Okay, well I’m glad you’re doing well. I just wanted to remind you that I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow. I’ll be back in two and half weeks. If you have anything urgent that comes up, I have a service checking calls and someone will get back to you, okay?” She informed me.
Fuck, this wasn’t good.
“Yep, no problem,” I told her. “I’ll see you when you get back.” I hung up the phone and wiped the tears from eyes, turned my cell phone off and returned to the report.
At 7:30 pm, I e-mailed the finished report to Chris, closed up the office and left for home. On the drive I decided I couldn’t be bothered to make dinner, so I stopped for a whopper meal and ate it in the car, because I was too hungry to wait until I got home.
Fred and George accosted me at the door, they were hungry for food and attention. I didn’t really want to give them either, but with a deep breath I filled their water, dry and wet food bowls, gave them each a little a cuddle and went to the study to check my e-mail.
The first thing I noticed was an urgent e-mail from TJ. Crap. I checked the house phone, three messages, I turned my cell on two messages and a text.
She was not happy.
I sat for a while before I called TJ back; I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture, or any cyber discipline. I really just wanted to go to bed. But, I knew if I waited much longer to call that I would have someone on the doorstep checking up on me. I promptly fell asleep on the couch while I was debating my options.
I awoke to the sound of the doorbell. FUCK!
I was pulling myself up off of the couch, when the knocking began.
“Hold your panties on. I’m coming,” I shouted.
I opened the door to find a very irate Syd. “Are you okay?” She asked.
I gave her an exasperated reply, “I’m fine.”
Syd walked into the house and applied a very, did I say very, firm swat to my butt.
“Owe,” I said rubbing at the sting. “You aren’t allowed to do that anymore.”
Syd smiled, “Oops, I forgot.”
I gave her a scowl.
“Call TJ, please, and let her know you are all right,” Syd directed.
“I’ll call her later,” I told her. “You don’t get to boss me around any more. I’ll get to it later.”
Syd took a deep breath, “It is midnight in Boston, and your FIANCE is worried about you. I think that the respectful thing to do would be to call her, but if you aren’t going to, I will. I told her I would come check on you and let her know what I found. So, are you going to call her?”
“Later,” I said.
Syd took out her cell phone and dialed. “Hello…yes I am at the house…she says she is ‘fine’ and will call you later,” Syd stopped talking into the phone and turned to me. “TJ would like it if you would please talk to her now, she has an early lecture in the morning.”
“I will call her after you leave,” I told Syd.
Syd resumed speaking into the phone, “You heard…yes other than the attitude she seems okay. I’m going to go…love you too…goodbye.” Syd hung up the phone and turned to me, “I’m going to go, I would appreciate if you would call me in the morning.”
“If I have time,” I told her.
Syd took a deep breath and walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. She spoke softly and kindly into my ear, “Katie, I love you. You are very important to me. That has not and will not change, because discipline isn’t part of our relationship any more. I miss you, and I worry about you. I would love to talk to you in the morning.” She kissed me on the cheek and said, “Good night, baby, please take care of yourself.” She let herself out as she saw me pick up the phone to call TJ.
TJ wasn’t very pleased with my attitude or the fact that she had been unable to get a hold of me. The conversation consisted of a lot of, “I’m sorry”…”yes it was rude”…”I will apologize”…and various promises to eat better, get more sleep and check in on a regular basis. All in all I got off lucky.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Verge**
I had Wednesday off from the clinic, and sense Chris was away Jamie and Leo invited me to have dinner and spend the night at their place.
I really like Leo; he is a lovely balance to Jamie. Where Jamie is all lines with sharp angles--he seems to always stand at attention and is ever vigilant--Leo is soft and relaxed, making everyone around him feel welcome and comfortable.
I arrived a bit before I was expected; Jamie wasn’t home yet. Leo greeted me with a hug, he ushered me into the kitchen and quickly made me feel at home by sitting me at the table with a bowl and a pile of string beans. “Prep those for me, will you hon?” Leo asked.
Leo and I quickly fell into cheerful banter. We were giggling and gossiping about Syd and Samantha when Jamie arrived. He entered the kitchen through the back door. He stopped behind my chair, put a hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head; “Hi handsome, I am so glad you could join us for dinner.”
I placed my hand on top of his and said, “Thank you for inviting me; I love spending time over here.”
Leo turned from the stove; he was bent at the waist and his lips were puckered. Jamie let out a soft warm laugh and scooped Leo into his arms, swinging Leo around as they greeted each other with kisses. Jamie set Leo back on the floor, “I’m going to go change and then I will be out to set the table.”
As soon as Jamie had left the room, Leo rushed over, pulled a chair close next to me and started to whisper, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you! Jamie wrote Katie a ticket yesterday…for going 85 in a 50.”
My mouth fell open.
“I know,” Leo said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Katie**
Wednesday
I vowed that Wednesday was going to be a much better day. I ate breakfast at home—yogurt, bran cereal and fruit. I stopped at Starbucks for an iced tea, and was at the office on time. I spent the morning replying to e-mail and catching up on my filing.
At noon I left the office to pick up Verge for his birthday lunch. I arrived at the Victorian and no Verge. He had told me he would be home as close to noon as possible, but it all depended on the traffic coming home from Jamie and Leo’s.
I did notice that Syd’s car was in the driveway. Damn it, I didn’t call her this morning. So now I needed to decide if I was going to hide out in the Jeep and wait for Verge, or to go in and visit with Syd while I waited for him to arrive. I was still debating my choices, but leaning strongly towards going inside, when I heard a knock on the window. It was Syd.
I opened the door and got out of Jeep. I shut the door, placed my hands in my pockets, and leaned up against the side of the car. “Hi,” I said.
“Hello, honey, are you waiting for Virgil?” She asked.
I nodded.
“Would you like to come in the house and visit while you wait?” She asked.
I really wanted to say yes. I wanted to go in and apologize and have her hug me and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but then I saw the Verge’s Beetle turning the corner and coming down the street. “Um, there’s Verge,” I said. “I’m on my lunch, so we kind of have to be going.”
Syd placed her hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. “Okay baby,” she said, “have a good lunch. I love you.”
I couldn’t raise my eyes to look at her, “Thanks, I love you too.”
I heard his car door close and then his jolly pronouncement, “The Birthday Boy has arrived! Let the showering of attention and presents begin!”
I managed to look up at her, and we both gave each other awkward smiles before we began our walk over to Virgil.
Syd pulled Verge into a big bear hug, “Happy Birthday Honey.”
“Thanks,” he said.
“I’m going to head back in the house and let you two get going,” Syd told us. She gave a wave and was gone.
Verge did a little clap and said, “Katie Katheryn where are my prezzies?”
I smiled, “Oh, I was planning on bringing them to your birthday dinner on Friday,” I said.
Verge crossed his arms and gave me a very dirty look. “My birthday is not on Friday, it is today, and I want my prezzies today!”
“Oh, well I guess I do have a little something for you today,” I teased him.
“Little isn’t acceptable. I want BIG!”
“I am not going to give you anything in the driveway, so maybe we should get a move on,” I informed him. I climbed into the passenger side of the Beetle.
Verge got in and off we went. “What was that all about with Syd?” He asked.
“What?” I replied.
“Things were a little uncomfortable when I got here,” he said.
“Oh, that,” I said, “It’s nothing.”
Verge blew a raspberry, “I don’t believe that for one minute, now spill.”
I took a deep breath. “You know about the late report?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
“And the ticket?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“Jamie has a big fricken’ mouth,” I complained.
“Leo told me,” Verge said.
“As previously stated, Jamie has a big fricken’ mouth.”
Verge laughed. “So what’s up with Syd?”
I took another breath. “She came over to check on me last night and I was a little bit rude.”
Verge laughed again. “I bet that is the tame version.”
“Yeah,” I answered.
We arrived at lunch, and I gave Verge his presents: a rubber ducky to float in the hot tub and record the temperature, Buffy Season 6 DVD set, and a gift certificate to Banana Republic.
We ordered our food and then I filled him in about the flash back, missing therapy, and my run in with Syd.
Verge was kind and sweet, listened attentively, gave me lots of compassion as I told the story, and when the story was finished he said, “You are in so much trouble.”
I snorted, “You think.” I began to cry.
Verge moved from his side of the booth over to mine. He pulled me into a warm embrace and whispered sweet and kind reassurances, while I quietly cried on his shoulder. I eventually calmed down, and Verge continued to rub my back.
“Katie, baby, you have to tell TJ,” he said.
“She’ll come home,” I mumbled to him.
“Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you need?” He asked.
“No, she needs to know I am okay without her,” I told him.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Verge said.
I scowled at him.
“I think you want to be okay without her, but why? Why do you need that?” He asked.
“Because,” was all I could answer before I began to cry again.
He began to coo at me again, and then quietly spoke into my ear, “If she makes you complete, if you function better because of her, if you love more, if you live more when she is with you, why should you have to be able to live without her?”
“I have to know I can, because what if I were to lose her, what would I do then?” I asked him.
“Baby, how can you live always planning for the worst? You have joy. TJ and you, you have joy. Katie, don’t anticipate the worst; it will make you live in that pain, and that will engulf and destroy you,” he told me. “You need to live in the joy and happiness you two share. In order to do that, you must be honest with her. Baby, you have to tell her of your pain in order to get your joy back.”
“She’ll be so angry, so disappointed,” I continued to cry onto his shoulder.
Verge lifted my head, so he could see me, “You’ll be in a lot of trouble.”
I blushed.
“She will punish you,” he said.
I winced.
“She will love you. She will forgive you, and you will again bring each other joy,” he said. “But first you have to tell her.”
“I’ll try,” I told him.
He rolled his eyes at me.
“I promise. I will try,” I said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Thursday
**Verge**
I was sitting on the sofa waiting for Chris to come home. I knew he and Katie were going to work late,
but he had promised me some hot belated birthday sex.
He finally came through the door with a small ice cream cake, a bouquet of beautiful wine colored calla lilies, several balloons with long curly ribbons, and a bag full of presents at just a little after 7:30
p.m. I took a deep breath. I definitely married the right man.
I quickly had a hold of him, passionately kissing him, feeling the rub of his five o’clock shadow scratch my face.
Chris gently pulled out the kiss with a big smile. “Happy birthday, Babe,” he said. “Did you miss me?”
“Yes,” I answered. I took the cake from his arms. “But now you have made me all confused.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Well now I can’t decide whether I want cake or sex first,” I told him. “Cake…sex…cake…sex… it's a very difficult decision.”
“What about your presents?” Chris asked.
“Hmmm, presents…cake… presents…cake,” I said with a giggle.
Chris came over and picked me up. “I am the Top,” he said. “I have decided we are having sex, and there will be no argument.”
He carried me over to the freezer.
I put the cake inside.
He then flipped me into a fireman’s hold, and started towards the bedroom.
“Oooo,” I said. “I love it when you go all Tarzan.”
“Me Tarzan. You Cheeta,” he said while banging his free fist against his chest.
I slapped his butt. “I most certainly am not Cheeta!” I said in mock outrage. “I am a handsome explorer that you have kidnapped and are now going to ravage.”
He threw me down on the bed, and I quickly began to undress myself.
“Stop,” he said. “It's your birthday; I will do everything.”
“Okay,” I said with a wonderful smile. I could feel my cock pressing against my cargos, but it would have to wait until Tarzan decided to free it.
I leaned back on my hands and watched as he began to remove his clothes. He slowly unbuttoned his work shirt—starting from the bottom—he went one button at a time. With each button he would pull his shirt a little further away from his body. So, first his taut belly was revealed, then just the inkling of his rib cage, soon a nipple—lightly surrounded by chest hair, and then all the buttons were undone. He leisurely pulled the shirt over one shoulder and turned so I could see his strong broad shoulders and beautiful back.
My pants were feeling very tight.
He lazily undid the top button of his pants.
I was beginning to breathe deeply. “Christopher, your striptease is wonderful, but it is my birthday, you have been gone for two days, and if you don’t hurry up I’m going to cum in my pants, and then neither of us will be very happy,” I informed him.
He smiled and quickly pulled at the fly on his pants, causing the zipper to open and he was out of his pants and underwear in a flash. He had obviously taken heed of my warning because the next thing I knew I was naked, and Chris’ tongue had just finished teasing my anus and was now moving up my shaft.
I grabbed a fist full of sheets with each hand, and raised my hips up in encouragement.
His mouth engulfed me causing me to moan in pleasure. He stopped for a moment and I could feel his mouth forming a smile at my pleasure.
“Move,” I said.
“What?” Chris mumbled, without removing me from his mouth.
“I want you in my mouth,” I said.
I again felt his smile form around me.
Chris did some very ingenious pivoting and maneuvering, and soon I was on top of him. My penis
was still completely engulfed in his mouth. I took my hand and began to rub my thumb over the tip of his cock and then to lightly lap the small amount of precum he was emitting. I love the taste of him, salty and musty with a small hint of sweetness.
Chris continued to devour me with his mouth and it didn’t take very much longer until I was ready to
come.
“I’m gonna…,” I said.
Chris removed his mouth from my penis and began to expertly work it with his hand. I fucked his hand as I began to shudder. I stopped paying much attention to Chris’ pleasure when I was overtaken by my orgasm and his cock fell from my mouth. After a short intermission to regain my breath, my mouth began to seek him out again.
Chris pulled himself up and into a sitting position—with me still on top of him. He was now
leaning against the headboard, and I was sitting on his lap.
“I want to finish you,” I said to him.
“Oh, you will,” he said. Chris liberally applied lube to his cock and hand.
I rose onto my knees and began to kiss his neck. This gave Chris the access he needed and wanted. I felt his slick finger move between my cheeks. It encircled my opening and then slowly penetrated me. His finger twirled and massaged and I rocked myself on it, wanting more of him inside me. When that finger became lonely, another joined it. I moaned with delight, continuing to rock as Chris’ fingers teased and tantalized me. “More,” I said.
Chris removed his fingers and placed his hands on my hips--with his fingers separating my cheeks—he guided me down on top of his full, thick, wonderful erection.
When I had taken all of him in, I rested for a moment of adjustment. I then placed my hands on his
shoulders, looked him directly in the eyes, sending all of my love to him, and began to raise and lower myself on him, clenching and unclenching along the way.
Chris fell into ecstasy, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. I leaned down and drew him into a
deep kiss. He grunted into the kiss as he came inside me. My head was resting on his shoulder and I was breathing deeply, while he began to relax inside me.
Chris patted my butt to signal it was time for me to move off of him. I raised myself up and he slowly
pulled out of me. I moved off of him, and lay at his side. He pulled me into a spooning position and we both drifted off to sleep.
The ring of the phone awakened us.
“Hello,” Chris said. “Hi TJ, yes the birthday boy is right here.” Chris handed me the phone.
“Hello,” I said. “Oh, thank you…I'm sorry I missed you yesterday, too. I'm good…and you?” I questioned, hoping to hear some type of response that would confirm that Katie had spoken to her. “Oh, I'm glad you are well…yes, Katie and I did have a nice lunch yesterday…yes, we also had a good dinner with Claire.” This was not sounding very positive. I took a deep breath. “TJ did Katie mention her flashback to you?
No…I didn’t think do…there are some things I need to tell you about.” I told her about the speeding ticket in the Jag, the flashback and lack of sleep, the arguments with just about everyone but me, and the piercing. When I finished TJ asked to talk to Chris. I handed him the phone.
“Hi…yes tomorrow at 4:30 pm on American Airlines…no problem, I'll pick you up and bring you to dinner. Have a safe flight…see you then,” he said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Friday
I saw Chris and TJ walk into the restaurant. I tried to signal to Katie that she should chill out on her
tirade.
“I am sick and tired of you all bossing me around. I have a partner to do that, and since she isn’t here I'm the boss of myself!” Katie shouted at the table.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Katie**
Verge was making faces at me from across the table while I continued my tirade. What was his problem?
And then, I felt her breath on my neck. I squinched my face and gulped. Based on the fact that Verge had been making those faces at me since the beginning of my tantrum…I was guessing I was in BIG trouble.
“Apologize and then excuse yourself and accompany me to the bathroom,” TJ’s sternly stated.
I turned to her, “Hi…ah…love…I think you…ah...look great…I…ah…don’t think you need to powder your nose,” I looked up and gave her a cheeky grin.
“It isn’t my nose I'm planning on powdering,” she whispered into my ear. She stood up, and took hold of my hand, “Hi everyone, it’s nice to see you…even under these unpleasant circumstances…”
I gulped again.
TJ continued, “…If you will please excuse us,” and with that TJ signaled for me to stand. She gently but quickly steered me to the restroom.
Upon entering the restroom, I looked around and noticed it was one of the single room types--no stalls. You know the one room, self-contained kind. The room was covered in tiles and had a noisy fan and the restaurant’s loud music was being pumped in. FUCK, this restroom was obviously designed by a top!
TJ pulled the straight-backed chair away from the dressing table. Oh, this room was so designed by a
top--no self-respecting top is going to sit on the toilet to administer a spanking. “Jeans down,” she
instructed.
“But, Teej…” she didn’t let me finish. She spun me around and landed a series of very hard swats.
“Take your jeans down now,” she repeated.
I lowered my jeans and began to place myself over TJ’s lap.
She stood me back up. “Underwear too,” she instructed.
Eeeek! “But, Teej…we are in a public place…and I have a thong on…and you have full access,” I protested.
“Have I ever spanked you over your underwear?” She asked.
“Well, it isn’t really over my underwear, see,” I said pointing to my bare cheeks.
“I will rephrase that,” she said. “Have I ever spanked you when you have had your underpants on?”
Why do tops ask questions they know the answers to? It really pisses me off! “No,” I answered. “But…”
“I dead bolted the door, you don’t need to worry about anyone coming in and I am sure no one will hear over the fan and music,” she interrupted and then motioned with her finger to drop my underwear.
“FINE,” I said.
TJ applied one very firm swat to my now bare bottom before she draped me across her lap. Once I was in the proper position, she began to rapidly spank, “Syd, Chris, Virgil, Claire, Jamie, they are your family! You do not speak to them like that, do you understand me?”
“Yes,” I sobbed.
TJ stood me back up and helped to return my clothes to their upright position.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
TJ pulled me into a hug. “Do you really need to ask me that question?” she questioned back.
I shook my head. “How'd you know?”
“I wish it had been from you,” she said.
This caused me to cry harder. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry,” I told her.
“I know baby,” she said. “We will discuss it after dinner, when we get home.”
“Didn’t we just ‘discuss’ it?” I asked.
TJ shook her head, and gave me a little smile. “No honey, we just ‘discussed’ your attitude and rudeness out in the restaurant.”
“Oh,” I said. “Do we have to ‘discuss’ the other stuff?”
“Katie, my love, we will be talking about your rough week first, but yes there will be a spanking after our talk.”
“What’s the point? You’ll spank me and then go back to Boston, and I will still be struggling, and then you will come back and spank me. I don’t think this is good for us,” I cried into her shoulder.
“You’re right it isn’t good for us, and we are going to put an end to it,” TJ said in a very stern voice.
My heart broke. I didn’t think it could ever hurt so much. I tried to push away from her, but TJ held me tighter.
“I’m not going back to Boston,” she said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Copyright TBL 2009
So what if I had a report due to Chris today, it was only for the subcontract we have with the county and he didn’t have to submit anything to the state until Friday, so it would be fine.
I got home and tossed the yogurt, banana and grape nuts breakfast that Teej had packed me into the garbage. I chose to replace TJ’s bowl of regularity with half a pint of Half Baked and an unopened carton of Everything But the…
I plopped down on the couch, turned on Buffy and enjoyed my ice cream breakfast.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
BUFFY: How long was I gone?
SPIKE: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday.
Uh ... hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?
How long was it for you ... where you were?
BUFFY: Longer.
I sniffed and wiped a tear from my cheek. Oh, poor Spike.
Ring, ring, ring.
Damn-it who the fuck is calling now? I glanced down at the caller ID: Chris Robeson. Fuck!
I picked up the phone, “Cough, cough, hello?”
“Give it up. I know you’re faking, but I could send Syd over to check you out,” Chris stated with a small bit of anger in his voice. “Why didn’t you just call me and tell me the report wasn’t done?”
Fuck! “I’m sorry,” was all I could think to say. “I was really tired this morning.”
“Yes, I figured you would be; that’s why I asked you if you were sure you could have it to me by today. YOU assured me you could,” his voice was raising.
SPIKE: You didn't tell me.
You brought her back and you didn't tell me.
XANDER: Well, now you know.
SPIKE: I worked beside you all summer.
XANDER: We didn't tell you. It was just ... we didn't, okay?
SPIKE: Listen. I've figured it out. Maybe you haven't, but I have.
“You’re watching Buffy? I thought you were tired? Get your butt into the office and send me that report; I can’t do my piece until I have your data.”
“I can’t go into the office, Nina thinks I’m sick. I don’t want to get in trouble,” I whined to him.
“Oh, but not meeting important deadlines and letting down a friend are okay?” Chris asked.
“Ummm…. well, no, but the report isn’t due to the State until Friday. I’ll get it to you tomorrow. It’ll be fine. Chill out,” I told him.
“Chill out. I leave tonight for a conference in LA and I wont be back until Thursday afternoon,” he replied gruffly.
“Oh, I forgot. I will come to your office Thursday afternoon and help you finish it,” I apologized.
“It will take all night,” he informed me.
“I promise; I’ll be there.”
“You better. I will see you at my office at 2:00 pm on Thursday. I expect your piece of the report to be perfect.”
“It will be. Have a good trip. I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too, but I’m not very happy with you at the moment. Take care of yourself this week,” he said and then he hung up the phone and I erupted into tears.
Damn it, now what was I to do?
I needed to get out of the house, but I didn’t want to be spotted around town when I had called in sick. So, I decided a trip over the hill to Santa Cruz was in order.
It was a beautiful day and I could easily have made the drive with the top down on the jeep, but I missed her, I didn’t want to take the jeep. I wanted to take her car, besides it was her car we usually took topless to the coast.
I opened the kitchen drawer to retrieve her keys. There was a yellow post it attached to her keychain, “Don’t even think of taking the Jag out. If you miss me, call me.”
Fuck her!
That note hadn’t been there before this weekend. I usually take her Jaguar out once every couple of weeks just to make sure the battery doesn’t die. I tossed the note into the trashcan, pocketed the keys and headed out to the garage.
The drive over the hill was beautiful, it was clear and in the low 70s. I had a beautiful view of the ocean the whole way down from the summit. Once in town, I parked the car just off Pacific Avenue and proceeded down the promenade.
Santa Cruz can be such a great place to get lost, there is such a mix of people--surfers, hippies, students, stoners, tourists, everyone just seems to fit in, that no one notices you.
I wondered into Camouflage, it always seems to cheer me up, but looking at the lingerie, porn, and sex toys only sent a longing ache to my crotch and I missed her more.
I eventually found myself at the end of the avenue by the head shops, tattoo parlors, and body piercing studios.
I ran my hand over my breast and could feel the barbell in my nipple. I was really hurting and there wasn’t much that would make it go away, and that was when I decided that my lone nipple piercing would be much happier to be part of a pair.
Since it was before lunch on a weekday there wasn’t much activity in the shop and the piercer was able to take me right back to the piercing room.
I sat on the exam table and took off my shirt and bra. The piercer stood and examined by breasts for a while before he used his purple marker to determine the entrance and exit holes for the piercing.
I laid down on the table; he disinfected my nipple, grasped it with the forceps and then ran first the needle through my nipple and then followed it quickly with the barbell.
My lone nipple piercing was alone no more.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I had lunch at the Saturn, where a cute girl with green spiky hair slipped me her number. She must have seen me driving the Jaguar.
One of my most favorite memories with TJ is a day we spent in Carmel, walking along the shore hand in hand at sunset.
I finished lunch and decided that a walk on the beach would help to settle my mood. I wasn’t in the mood for one of the Santa Cruz beaches. So Carmel it would be.
I walked back to car, opened the glove compartment and removed the scarf that TJ kept there to keep her hair out of her eyes.
I am much more the baseball cap type, but today I wanted to smell her, so I put her scarf on, popped her CD into the player and off I was, cruising down the coast on Highway 1.
I was just out of Watsonville, singing along with TJ, cruising at a comfortable 85 miles per hour, when I noticed the flashing red, yellow, and blue California Highway Patrol siren in the rearview mirror.
FUCK!!!!
I pulled over to the side of the road and began to reach into the glove compartment for the car’s registration, when I heard a booming voice, a familiar sounding booming voice. ‘Oh, thank you god in heaven,’ I thought.
“Place your hands on the steering wheel!” The voice boomed.
What the fuck was his problem, I rolled my eyes and continued to reach for the cars registration.
“PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL, NOW!” The voice boomed a second time.
Oh, crap maybe he doesn’t realize it’s me, I doubt he knows TJ’s car well enough to recognize it; we usually take the jeep places. I placed my hands on the steering wheel and waited for him to approach the car.
I watched as he approached the passenger side of the car with his hand draped over her gun. This was actually kind of humorous, although I was starting to think he wouldn’t see it that way.
He leaned down peered at me from the passenger side of the car.
I turned towards him and smiled.
He released his tense CHP officer pose, but quickly assumed a tense Top pose.
FUCK!
“Open the door,” Jaime growled.
I unlocked the door. “Hi, Jame,” I smiled again, but this time I also batted my eyelashes.
He let out a laugh, “Katie it has been years since that worked on me, and besides Leo does a much better ‘take pity on me’ eyelash batting.”
I blew a raspberry at him. “You used to be very taken by my eyelash batting,” I informed him.
“I also used to think I liked girls,” he replied back, still wearing a large grin.
“No, you only liked gay girls. You had the liking of gay people right; you were just liking the wrong sex gay people,” I told him.
He let out his strong deep laugh and opened the door, sat down in the passenger seat, took out his ticket pad and started writing.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a panic.
“Writing you a ticket. You were doing 85 in a 50,” he answered, a little to matter of factly for my comfort.
“But, what is the fucking benefit of having a friend who is a CHP officer if you can’t get away with a warning?” I huffed.
“To answer all of your questions during CSI,” he answered with a wink.
It wasn’t cute.
“Hey, what are you doing in my part of the world anyway? Shouldn’t you be at work?” He asked.
“None of your business. Just give me the ticket and go away!” I snapped at him.
Jamie put his hand on my thigh as if trying to comfort me. “Hey, Honey, I just want you to be safe. If I let you off with a warning, you are just going to keep on speeding. This ticket may make you think twice before you do it again,” he said with another wink, knowing full well that the ticket would not be the only thing to make me think twice about speeding again.
I could feel the tears trying frantically to burst out, but I really wasn’t in the mood for comfort from him right now. I pushed his hand off of my lap and held my hand out, “Ticket please.”
He tore off the ticket and handed it to me.
$635! I was dead.
“Thanks, can you get out of my car now,” I told him.
“Whose car?” He asked, “Does she know you’re driving it?”
“Goodbye,” I responded.
“Take care of yourself, if you are having a hard time without TJ, call her,” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “See you for Verge’s birthday dinner on Friday,” he said, and then exited the car.
I pulled back onto the highway and decided to drive home instead of going to Carmel.
I was full of nervous energy when I got home; I couldn’t stand being alone in the house, so I decided to go for a run. I drove down to Central Park to do laps around the duck pond.
I was on my third or forth lap when it happened; it was his emerging from the bushes that triggered me.
I am not exactly sure how to explain a flashback. There are probably some things that are similar for different people who experience them, but they also seem like such a personal and surreal event that it’s difficult to imagine anyone else experiencing or understanding it.
I know there is the classic tale of the veteran who comes home from war and is triggered by a car backfiring. He falls to the ground to get away from oncoming gunfire and feels as if he were back on a battlefield.
My flashbacks are different than that. I feel like someone is showing a movie of the rape, or a particular incident of the rape, in front of my eyes. It shows up transparent over what I am actually visualizing. I can sometimes hear the sounds of both this odd film and what is taking place in front of me. It is often only a flash, but sometimes longer.
I am not sure if this is the same experience I had when I first experienced the flashbacks. I’ve had a lot of therapy since then, and they aren’t as powerful or as scary as they once were, but they still carry negative energy and are pretty exhausting.
Years ago, experiencing this would have caused me to vomit on the spot and I wouldn’t be able to sleep for days or possibly longer. Today, I was just a little queasy, but it did rock my safety. I decided the best thing to do was to cut the run short and go home.
I had my cell phone with me when I was running, and it was turned on, but it was in my pocket and I didn’t hear it go off. It buzzed at me in the car, indicating that I had a message. It was from TJ; she had arrived safely back in Boston and was just calling to let me know. She said she would call me later, if I didn’t call her first.
When I got home, I decided it was probably best for me to call her.
She answered, “Hi Baby, how was your day?”
“Okay, fine,” I answered. “I was really tired after I dropped you off at the airport, so I called in sick to work. I thought it might be best if I just rested today.” See there, I told her I called in sick.
“Are you sure you are feeling okay, not to sad?” She asked.
“No, I’m fine, it was just a long weekend,” I said, adding a bit of sexiness to my voice, trying to indicate why I was tired.
TJ gave a little laugh. “I thought you had a big report due to Chris today,” she stated.
“Yeah, I did, but we talked, it’s fine, I’ll finish it tomorrow and then on Thursday I’m going to help him compile everything before he sends it off to the State on Friday,” I told her. See again, not a lie, I’m keeping her informed about everything that happened.
“Oh, that is really nice of you.”
“It’s nothing,” I told her.
“Did you get up to anything else today?” She asked.
Okay, this was the true test of my courage and truth telling. “Nope, I just rested mostly. I did go for a run,” I said. Hmmm, failed that one big time.
Well I am sure there will be other instances in the next six weeks to bring up the piercing and ticket.
Oh, and she would probably want to know about the flashback.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Tuesday
I didn’t sleep very well Monday night. Every little noise seemed to wake me up, and not just wake me up, but startle me awake in a panic. I would grasp a hold of Dexter bunny and begin the ritual of talking myself through the fact that I was safe.
I finally decided to get up and moving at 6:00 am. I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a triple vente soy mocha before I got into the office.
I had a difficult time concentrating on getting the report finished for Chris.
My normal therapy appointment is Tuesday afternoons at 3:30. I usually go home after my appointment.
At noon, I was only halfway finished with the report, so I decided I needed to cancel my therapy appointment to get the report finished. I waited until 12:30 to call Jocey, to ensure that she would be in session, when I left the message. “Hi Jocey, it’s Katie Mayfaire, I have a big report I need to get finished and I need to cancel today. I will drop a check off for my missed session tomorrow. I’ll see you next week.”
I put my office phone on do not disturb and went back to writing the report. At 5:30 my cell phone rang, it was Jocey, “Hi Jocey, I am sorry I had to cancel.”
“That’s okay, how are you?” She asked.
“I’m fine, just had to finish this report,” I told her. It probably would have been a good idea to tell her about the flashback, but it could wait until next week.
“Okay, well I’m glad you’re doing well. I just wanted to remind you that I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow. I’ll be back in two and half weeks. If you have anything urgent that comes up, I have a service checking calls and someone will get back to you, okay?” She informed me.
Fuck, this wasn’t good.
“Yep, no problem,” I told her. “I’ll see you when you get back.” I hung up the phone and wiped the tears from eyes, turned my cell phone off and returned to the report.
At 7:30 pm, I e-mailed the finished report to Chris, closed up the office and left for home. On the drive I decided I couldn’t be bothered to make dinner, so I stopped for a whopper meal and ate it in the car, because I was too hungry to wait until I got home.
Fred and George accosted me at the door, they were hungry for food and attention. I didn’t really want to give them either, but with a deep breath I filled their water, dry and wet food bowls, gave them each a little a cuddle and went to the study to check my e-mail.
The first thing I noticed was an urgent e-mail from TJ. Crap. I checked the house phone, three messages, I turned my cell on two messages and a text.
She was not happy.
I sat for a while before I called TJ back; I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture, or any cyber discipline. I really just wanted to go to bed. But, I knew if I waited much longer to call that I would have someone on the doorstep checking up on me. I promptly fell asleep on the couch while I was debating my options.
I awoke to the sound of the doorbell. FUCK!
I was pulling myself up off of the couch, when the knocking began.
“Hold your panties on. I’m coming,” I shouted.
I opened the door to find a very irate Syd. “Are you okay?” She asked.
I gave her an exasperated reply, “I’m fine.”
Syd walked into the house and applied a very, did I say very, firm swat to my butt.
“Owe,” I said rubbing at the sting. “You aren’t allowed to do that anymore.”
Syd smiled, “Oops, I forgot.”
I gave her a scowl.
“Call TJ, please, and let her know you are all right,” Syd directed.
“I’ll call her later,” I told her. “You don’t get to boss me around any more. I’ll get to it later.”
Syd took a deep breath, “It is midnight in Boston, and your FIANCE is worried about you. I think that the respectful thing to do would be to call her, but if you aren’t going to, I will. I told her I would come check on you and let her know what I found. So, are you going to call her?”
“Later,” I said.
Syd took out her cell phone and dialed. “Hello…yes I am at the house…she says she is ‘fine’ and will call you later,” Syd stopped talking into the phone and turned to me. “TJ would like it if you would please talk to her now, she has an early lecture in the morning.”
“I will call her after you leave,” I told Syd.
Syd resumed speaking into the phone, “You heard…yes other than the attitude she seems okay. I’m going to go…love you too…goodbye.” Syd hung up the phone and turned to me, “I’m going to go, I would appreciate if you would call me in the morning.”
“If I have time,” I told her.
Syd took a deep breath and walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. She spoke softly and kindly into my ear, “Katie, I love you. You are very important to me. That has not and will not change, because discipline isn’t part of our relationship any more. I miss you, and I worry about you. I would love to talk to you in the morning.” She kissed me on the cheek and said, “Good night, baby, please take care of yourself.” She let herself out as she saw me pick up the phone to call TJ.
TJ wasn’t very pleased with my attitude or the fact that she had been unable to get a hold of me. The conversation consisted of a lot of, “I’m sorry”…”yes it was rude”…”I will apologize”…and various promises to eat better, get more sleep and check in on a regular basis. All in all I got off lucky.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Verge**
I had Wednesday off from the clinic, and sense Chris was away Jamie and Leo invited me to have dinner and spend the night at their place.
I really like Leo; he is a lovely balance to Jamie. Where Jamie is all lines with sharp angles--he seems to always stand at attention and is ever vigilant--Leo is soft and relaxed, making everyone around him feel welcome and comfortable.
I arrived a bit before I was expected; Jamie wasn’t home yet. Leo greeted me with a hug, he ushered me into the kitchen and quickly made me feel at home by sitting me at the table with a bowl and a pile of string beans. “Prep those for me, will you hon?” Leo asked.
Leo and I quickly fell into cheerful banter. We were giggling and gossiping about Syd and Samantha when Jamie arrived. He entered the kitchen through the back door. He stopped behind my chair, put a hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head; “Hi handsome, I am so glad you could join us for dinner.”
I placed my hand on top of his and said, “Thank you for inviting me; I love spending time over here.”
Leo turned from the stove; he was bent at the waist and his lips were puckered. Jamie let out a soft warm laugh and scooped Leo into his arms, swinging Leo around as they greeted each other with kisses. Jamie set Leo back on the floor, “I’m going to go change and then I will be out to set the table.”
As soon as Jamie had left the room, Leo rushed over, pulled a chair close next to me and started to whisper, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you! Jamie wrote Katie a ticket yesterday…for going 85 in a 50.”
My mouth fell open.
“I know,” Leo said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Katie**
Wednesday
I vowed that Wednesday was going to be a much better day. I ate breakfast at home—yogurt, bran cereal and fruit. I stopped at Starbucks for an iced tea, and was at the office on time. I spent the morning replying to e-mail and catching up on my filing.
At noon I left the office to pick up Verge for his birthday lunch. I arrived at the Victorian and no Verge. He had told me he would be home as close to noon as possible, but it all depended on the traffic coming home from Jamie and Leo’s.
I did notice that Syd’s car was in the driveway. Damn it, I didn’t call her this morning. So now I needed to decide if I was going to hide out in the Jeep and wait for Verge, or to go in and visit with Syd while I waited for him to arrive. I was still debating my choices, but leaning strongly towards going inside, when I heard a knock on the window. It was Syd.
I opened the door and got out of Jeep. I shut the door, placed my hands in my pockets, and leaned up against the side of the car. “Hi,” I said.
“Hello, honey, are you waiting for Virgil?” She asked.
I nodded.
“Would you like to come in the house and visit while you wait?” She asked.
I really wanted to say yes. I wanted to go in and apologize and have her hug me and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but then I saw the Verge’s Beetle turning the corner and coming down the street. “Um, there’s Verge,” I said. “I’m on my lunch, so we kind of have to be going.”
Syd placed her hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. “Okay baby,” she said, “have a good lunch. I love you.”
I couldn’t raise my eyes to look at her, “Thanks, I love you too.”
I heard his car door close and then his jolly pronouncement, “The Birthday Boy has arrived! Let the showering of attention and presents begin!”
I managed to look up at her, and we both gave each other awkward smiles before we began our walk over to Virgil.
Syd pulled Verge into a big bear hug, “Happy Birthday Honey.”
“Thanks,” he said.
“I’m going to head back in the house and let you two get going,” Syd told us. She gave a wave and was gone.
Verge did a little clap and said, “Katie Katheryn where are my prezzies?”
I smiled, “Oh, I was planning on bringing them to your birthday dinner on Friday,” I said.
Verge crossed his arms and gave me a very dirty look. “My birthday is not on Friday, it is today, and I want my prezzies today!”
“Oh, well I guess I do have a little something for you today,” I teased him.
“Little isn’t acceptable. I want BIG!”
“I am not going to give you anything in the driveway, so maybe we should get a move on,” I informed him. I climbed into the passenger side of the Beetle.
Verge got in and off we went. “What was that all about with Syd?” He asked.
“What?” I replied.
“Things were a little uncomfortable when I got here,” he said.
“Oh, that,” I said, “It’s nothing.”
Verge blew a raspberry, “I don’t believe that for one minute, now spill.”
I took a deep breath. “You know about the late report?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
“And the ticket?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“Jamie has a big fricken’ mouth,” I complained.
“Leo told me,” Verge said.
“As previously stated, Jamie has a big fricken’ mouth.”
Verge laughed. “So what’s up with Syd?”
I took another breath. “She came over to check on me last night and I was a little bit rude.”
Verge laughed again. “I bet that is the tame version.”
“Yeah,” I answered.
We arrived at lunch, and I gave Verge his presents: a rubber ducky to float in the hot tub and record the temperature, Buffy Season 6 DVD set, and a gift certificate to Banana Republic.
We ordered our food and then I filled him in about the flash back, missing therapy, and my run in with Syd.
Verge was kind and sweet, listened attentively, gave me lots of compassion as I told the story, and when the story was finished he said, “You are in so much trouble.”
I snorted, “You think.” I began to cry.
Verge moved from his side of the booth over to mine. He pulled me into a warm embrace and whispered sweet and kind reassurances, while I quietly cried on his shoulder. I eventually calmed down, and Verge continued to rub my back.
“Katie, baby, you have to tell TJ,” he said.
“She’ll come home,” I mumbled to him.
“Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you need?” He asked.
“No, she needs to know I am okay without her,” I told him.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Verge said.
I scowled at him.
“I think you want to be okay without her, but why? Why do you need that?” He asked.
“Because,” was all I could answer before I began to cry again.
He began to coo at me again, and then quietly spoke into my ear, “If she makes you complete, if you function better because of her, if you love more, if you live more when she is with you, why should you have to be able to live without her?”
“I have to know I can, because what if I were to lose her, what would I do then?” I asked him.
“Baby, how can you live always planning for the worst? You have joy. TJ and you, you have joy. Katie, don’t anticipate the worst; it will make you live in that pain, and that will engulf and destroy you,” he told me. “You need to live in the joy and happiness you two share. In order to do that, you must be honest with her. Baby, you have to tell her of your pain in order to get your joy back.”
“She’ll be so angry, so disappointed,” I continued to cry onto his shoulder.
Verge lifted my head, so he could see me, “You’ll be in a lot of trouble.”
I blushed.
“She will punish you,” he said.
I winced.
“She will love you. She will forgive you, and you will again bring each other joy,” he said. “But first you have to tell her.”
“I’ll try,” I told him.
He rolled his eyes at me.
“I promise. I will try,” I said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Thursday
**Verge**
I was sitting on the sofa waiting for Chris to come home. I knew he and Katie were going to work late,
but he had promised me some hot belated birthday sex.
He finally came through the door with a small ice cream cake, a bouquet of beautiful wine colored calla lilies, several balloons with long curly ribbons, and a bag full of presents at just a little after 7:30
p.m. I took a deep breath. I definitely married the right man.
I quickly had a hold of him, passionately kissing him, feeling the rub of his five o’clock shadow scratch my face.
Chris gently pulled out the kiss with a big smile. “Happy birthday, Babe,” he said. “Did you miss me?”
“Yes,” I answered. I took the cake from his arms. “But now you have made me all confused.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Well now I can’t decide whether I want cake or sex first,” I told him. “Cake…sex…cake…sex… it's a very difficult decision.”
“What about your presents?” Chris asked.
“Hmmm, presents…cake… presents…cake,” I said with a giggle.
Chris came over and picked me up. “I am the Top,” he said. “I have decided we are having sex, and there will be no argument.”
He carried me over to the freezer.
I put the cake inside.
He then flipped me into a fireman’s hold, and started towards the bedroom.
“Oooo,” I said. “I love it when you go all Tarzan.”
“Me Tarzan. You Cheeta,” he said while banging his free fist against his chest.
I slapped his butt. “I most certainly am not Cheeta!” I said in mock outrage. “I am a handsome explorer that you have kidnapped and are now going to ravage.”
He threw me down on the bed, and I quickly began to undress myself.
“Stop,” he said. “It's your birthday; I will do everything.”
“Okay,” I said with a wonderful smile. I could feel my cock pressing against my cargos, but it would have to wait until Tarzan decided to free it.
I leaned back on my hands and watched as he began to remove his clothes. He slowly unbuttoned his work shirt—starting from the bottom—he went one button at a time. With each button he would pull his shirt a little further away from his body. So, first his taut belly was revealed, then just the inkling of his rib cage, soon a nipple—lightly surrounded by chest hair, and then all the buttons were undone. He leisurely pulled the shirt over one shoulder and turned so I could see his strong broad shoulders and beautiful back.
My pants were feeling very tight.
He lazily undid the top button of his pants.
I was beginning to breathe deeply. “Christopher, your striptease is wonderful, but it is my birthday, you have been gone for two days, and if you don’t hurry up I’m going to cum in my pants, and then neither of us will be very happy,” I informed him.
He smiled and quickly pulled at the fly on his pants, causing the zipper to open and he was out of his pants and underwear in a flash. He had obviously taken heed of my warning because the next thing I knew I was naked, and Chris’ tongue had just finished teasing my anus and was now moving up my shaft.
I grabbed a fist full of sheets with each hand, and raised my hips up in encouragement.
His mouth engulfed me causing me to moan in pleasure. He stopped for a moment and I could feel his mouth forming a smile at my pleasure.
“Move,” I said.
“What?” Chris mumbled, without removing me from his mouth.
“I want you in my mouth,” I said.
I again felt his smile form around me.
Chris did some very ingenious pivoting and maneuvering, and soon I was on top of him. My penis
was still completely engulfed in his mouth. I took my hand and began to rub my thumb over the tip of his cock and then to lightly lap the small amount of precum he was emitting. I love the taste of him, salty and musty with a small hint of sweetness.
Chris continued to devour me with his mouth and it didn’t take very much longer until I was ready to
come.
“I’m gonna…,” I said.
Chris removed his mouth from my penis and began to expertly work it with his hand. I fucked his hand as I began to shudder. I stopped paying much attention to Chris’ pleasure when I was overtaken by my orgasm and his cock fell from my mouth. After a short intermission to regain my breath, my mouth began to seek him out again.
Chris pulled himself up and into a sitting position—with me still on top of him. He was now
leaning against the headboard, and I was sitting on his lap.
“I want to finish you,” I said to him.
“Oh, you will,” he said. Chris liberally applied lube to his cock and hand.
I rose onto my knees and began to kiss his neck. This gave Chris the access he needed and wanted. I felt his slick finger move between my cheeks. It encircled my opening and then slowly penetrated me. His finger twirled and massaged and I rocked myself on it, wanting more of him inside me. When that finger became lonely, another joined it. I moaned with delight, continuing to rock as Chris’ fingers teased and tantalized me. “More,” I said.
Chris removed his fingers and placed his hands on my hips--with his fingers separating my cheeks—he guided me down on top of his full, thick, wonderful erection.
When I had taken all of him in, I rested for a moment of adjustment. I then placed my hands on his
shoulders, looked him directly in the eyes, sending all of my love to him, and began to raise and lower myself on him, clenching and unclenching along the way.
Chris fell into ecstasy, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. I leaned down and drew him into a
deep kiss. He grunted into the kiss as he came inside me. My head was resting on his shoulder and I was breathing deeply, while he began to relax inside me.
Chris patted my butt to signal it was time for me to move off of him. I raised myself up and he slowly
pulled out of me. I moved off of him, and lay at his side. He pulled me into a spooning position and we both drifted off to sleep.
The ring of the phone awakened us.
“Hello,” Chris said. “Hi TJ, yes the birthday boy is right here.” Chris handed me the phone.
“Hello,” I said. “Oh, thank you…I'm sorry I missed you yesterday, too. I'm good…and you?” I questioned, hoping to hear some type of response that would confirm that Katie had spoken to her. “Oh, I'm glad you are well…yes, Katie and I did have a nice lunch yesterday…yes, we also had a good dinner with Claire.” This was not sounding very positive. I took a deep breath. “TJ did Katie mention her flashback to you?
No…I didn’t think do…there are some things I need to tell you about.” I told her about the speeding ticket in the Jag, the flashback and lack of sleep, the arguments with just about everyone but me, and the piercing. When I finished TJ asked to talk to Chris. I handed him the phone.
“Hi…yes tomorrow at 4:30 pm on American Airlines…no problem, I'll pick you up and bring you to dinner. Have a safe flight…see you then,” he said.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Friday
I saw Chris and TJ walk into the restaurant. I tried to signal to Katie that she should chill out on her
tirade.
“I am sick and tired of you all bossing me around. I have a partner to do that, and since she isn’t here I'm the boss of myself!” Katie shouted at the table.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
**Katie**
Verge was making faces at me from across the table while I continued my tirade. What was his problem?
And then, I felt her breath on my neck. I squinched my face and gulped. Based on the fact that Verge had been making those faces at me since the beginning of my tantrum…I was guessing I was in BIG trouble.
“Apologize and then excuse yourself and accompany me to the bathroom,” TJ’s sternly stated.
I turned to her, “Hi…ah…love…I think you…ah...look great…I…ah…don’t think you need to powder your nose,” I looked up and gave her a cheeky grin.
“It isn’t my nose I'm planning on powdering,” she whispered into my ear. She stood up, and took hold of my hand, “Hi everyone, it’s nice to see you…even under these unpleasant circumstances…”
I gulped again.
TJ continued, “…If you will please excuse us,” and with that TJ signaled for me to stand. She gently but quickly steered me to the restroom.
Upon entering the restroom, I looked around and noticed it was one of the single room types--no stalls. You know the one room, self-contained kind. The room was covered in tiles and had a noisy fan and the restaurant’s loud music was being pumped in. FUCK, this restroom was obviously designed by a top!
TJ pulled the straight-backed chair away from the dressing table. Oh, this room was so designed by a
top--no self-respecting top is going to sit on the toilet to administer a spanking. “Jeans down,” she
instructed.
“But, Teej…” she didn’t let me finish. She spun me around and landed a series of very hard swats.
“Take your jeans down now,” she repeated.
I lowered my jeans and began to place myself over TJ’s lap.
She stood me back up. “Underwear too,” she instructed.
Eeeek! “But, Teej…we are in a public place…and I have a thong on…and you have full access,” I protested.
“Have I ever spanked you over your underwear?” She asked.
“Well, it isn’t really over my underwear, see,” I said pointing to my bare cheeks.
“I will rephrase that,” she said. “Have I ever spanked you when you have had your underpants on?”
Why do tops ask questions they know the answers to? It really pisses me off! “No,” I answered. “But…”
“I dead bolted the door, you don’t need to worry about anyone coming in and I am sure no one will hear over the fan and music,” she interrupted and then motioned with her finger to drop my underwear.
“FINE,” I said.
TJ applied one very firm swat to my now bare bottom before she draped me across her lap. Once I was in the proper position, she began to rapidly spank, “Syd, Chris, Virgil, Claire, Jamie, they are your family! You do not speak to them like that, do you understand me?”
“Yes,” I sobbed.
TJ stood me back up and helped to return my clothes to their upright position.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
TJ pulled me into a hug. “Do you really need to ask me that question?” she questioned back.
I shook my head. “How'd you know?”
“I wish it had been from you,” she said.
This caused me to cry harder. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry,” I told her.
“I know baby,” she said. “We will discuss it after dinner, when we get home.”
“Didn’t we just ‘discuss’ it?” I asked.
TJ shook her head, and gave me a little smile. “No honey, we just ‘discussed’ your attitude and rudeness out in the restaurant.”
“Oh,” I said. “Do we have to ‘discuss’ the other stuff?”
“Katie, my love, we will be talking about your rough week first, but yes there will be a spanking after our talk.”
“What’s the point? You’ll spank me and then go back to Boston, and I will still be struggling, and then you will come back and spank me. I don’t think this is good for us,” I cried into her shoulder.
“You’re right it isn’t good for us, and we are going to put an end to it,” TJ said in a very stern voice.
My heart broke. I didn’t think it could ever hurt so much. I tried to push away from her, but TJ held me tighter.
“I’m not going back to Boston,” she said.
I wiggled trying to pull out of TJ’s embrace. She finally loosened her hold, but kept one hand on my waist and the other gently stroked my arm.
“What do you mean you’re not going back to Boston? You can’t ruin your whole career for me.” I dropped to the floor, which ignited the sting in my butt. I wrapped my arms around my knees, hid my head, and began to sob.
TJ sat on the floor next to me, and wrapped her arms around me. She used her fingers to softly pet me. “Shhhh, my love, I’ve arranged with the university to change my courses into a distance learning format. I’ll go back a couple of times during the semester to lecture in person and meet with students. I also promised to host a fundraiser on my next trip back.”
I poked my head up and looked at her. “That’s not fair to you or your students,” I said in a hiccupped voice.
“I’m thrilled to come home. I’ve missed you so much. I just wish I had thought of this option long ago, so we wouldn’t have been separated.”
There was a knock on the door. I let out a long sigh, and started to get up off the floor. TJ gave me a soft smile.
Once we were both standing, TJ placed her hands on my head, brushed my tears away with her thumbs, and pulled me into a long kiss.
There was a more aggressive knock on the door. “Hello, this is Management, is there someone in there?”
“Yes,” Teej answered, “we’ll be out in a minute.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I guess we should go.”
She nodded.
“Any chance I could blame this week on you for not thinking of the distance learning thing earlier?” I asked.
“Nope.” TJ applied a soft swat to my butt. “I suspect tonight or tomorrow, you'll have a long session over my knee. You really outdid yourself in the bratting this week. I heard a rumor you may even be up for the Brat of the Year award,” she teased, before she opened the door.
I gave her my best pout.
“Ooo, I should get a picture of that face. It will look great on the academy’s ballots.”
“You are a mean woman,” I replied.
TJ took hold of my hand.
“I missed you,” I said with a hiccupped breath.
She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
*** *** *** *** ***
We arrived back at the table, and I sat down next to Claire. TJ sat next to me; she still held my hand.
Claire placed her hand on my knee and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry,” I softly said to the table.
“We know, honey,” Syd said. Her voice conveyed so much compassion.
I looked up at Verge. He bowed his head, and seemed to readjust his napkin, before looking guiltily back up at me.
I gave him a very soar face.
“I’m sorry,” he mouthed to me.
I smiled, and mouthed back, “Thank you.”
“I told her everything,” he softly said.
I winced. “Everything?”
He nodded. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I needed her.” I gave Verge a smile and squeezed TJ’s hand.
Dinner went well. It was nice to be with my friends and family. I was quiet most of the evening. I was enjoying the sense of safety that having TJ by my side was giving me. I hadn’t realized how exhausting it was to function with all of my guards up, until she was with me, and I was able to let them go. After singing Happy Birthday and watching Verge open his presents, it became a struggle to keep my eyes open. I rested my head on TJ’s shoulder. “Can we go home soon?” I asked.
“Of course, my love.” TJ stood up. “Happy birthday Verge. It was lovely to see you all, but I think it's time that we go. I’m still on east coast time.”
Everyone stood, and we gave kisses and hugs before we left for home. TJ removed the keys to the Jeep from my bag. I don’t remember much after that, but I’m assuming I fell asleep in the car, that TJ helped me into the house, undressed me and put me to bed.
I woke up at some point during the night. I sighed in comfort at the feel of TJ’s skin against mine, her breath on my neck. I really had to pee, but I didn’t want to leave her embrace, so I stayed spooned against her.
Soon I heard her ask, “Are you awake, baby?”
I nodded.
“I need to use the toilet. What about you?”
I nodded again.
TJ led me to the master bathroom. “I’m going to go use the one in the hall; I’ll be right back.”
“Wait,” I said, “please don’t leave me alone.”
“Okay, baby.” She leaned against the door jam. “You were triggered pretty badly, huh?”
I felt tears well up in my eyes. I should have told her, if not because I needed her, because it wasn’t fair to keep the information from her. My breath caught in my throat when I tried to speak, so I just nodded to her. I got up, and went to the sink to wash my hands while TJ took her turn. She placed a soft kiss on my neck, while she washed her own hands. She then led me back to bed, and I once again settled my body into the curve of hers. I relished in the feel of her soft breasts on my back.
*** *** *** *** ***
Saturday
I awoke to a gentle breeze coming through the window, the bright sunlight, and TJ’s hands roaming over my body. Her touch was so light and electric that it sent shivers of pleasure through my body. I felt goose bumps form on my skin. My nipples instantly hardened, and I was already dripping with excitement. “Ah, you’re awake,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice.
“How did you expect me to stay asleep with you touching me like that?”
“I didn’t; that’s why I did it,” she answered.
I laughed. “I love you. I missed you so.”
“Missed me?” TJ’s hand slid down and slipped between my moist lips. Her middle and ring fingers began to circle my clit. “Or the things I do to you?”
My breathing became heavy. “Both, uhhhh. How do you know the exact right way to touch me?”
“I’m just good.” TJ sat up, but her hand continued to pleasure me between my legs.
I turned over onto my back and raised my knees.
TJ inched her shoulders between my thighs, spreading my legs open for her. She lowered her head; her fingers now held me open while her velvety tongue ran from my perineum up to my now hard clit. “You taste so good,” she moaned.
“Less talk, more licking,” I panted.
She laughed and returned her tongue to the task of pleasuring me.
My breathing continued to quicken, and I raised my hips to encourage her wondrous mouth. Soft grunts escaped my mouth, as my whole body tingled with pleasure. As my orgasm started, I held my breath. She thrust her fingers inside me, and applied firm pressure to my G spot, which caused me to shudder with continuous orgasms until I eventually collapsed with exhaustion.
“Liked that did you?” she asked.
“Mmmm,” was all I could say.
TJ climbed up my body and lay on top of me. Her lips touched mine. She opened my mouth with her tongue, and I could taste myself in her mouth. We continued to kiss. She slid her arms underneath me, and rolled us over, so I now lay draped across her. She began to softly run her fingers through my hair. “Go back to sleep, my love. I’m here with you.”
*** *** *** *** ***
I woke up to find TJ smiling at me. My head was still resting on her shoulder, and she was simply looking at me and smiling.
“I’m glad your home,” I said.
She leaned towards me for a kiss. We pulled out of the kiss and she began to run her fingers through my hair. “I’m glad I’m home too.”
“Time to talk, yeah?”
TJ’s smile faded to a more sympathetic look. She placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I think that would be good. Why don’t we start over breakfast?” she suggested.
“I’m not hungry,” I told her.
“I don’t remember asking if you were.” TJ sat us both up and she patted my thigh. “Go put something on, so you don’t give the neighbors a show." She got out of bed, and slipped a caramel colored silk gown on. It beautifully highlighted her soft mocha skin.
I pulled on a pair of camouflage boxers and a pink t-shirt. I opened the bedroom door and Fred and George came running in. They ran straight to TJ and began to purr as they rubbed their bodies against her legs. She laughed and scooped George up, placing him on her shoulders. She reached back down and picked up Fred, cradling him as she walked out to the kitchen.
I filled the cat dish with dry food, and Fred wiggled out of TJ’s arms and strolled over to his food dishes. He looked at the empty wet food bowl and let out loud howl. “Yes, I know it is empty Fred. It would be nice if you would at least give a minute to wash it out.” I bent down to pick up the ceramic celadon bowl.
TJ poured bran cereal into two bowls.
I began to wash the cat dish. “Well I guess having breakfast before our talk means I won’t have to squirm around in my seat at a restaurant.”
She smiled. “You are always the consummate optimist,” she teased.
I turned from the kitchen sink and blew a raspberry at her.
She handed me a can of cat food. George leapt from her shoulder onto the counter, and swaggered over to me and the empty food bowl. He then sprawled his body across the counter as he watched me empty the can into his bowl. “I see you have been doing a good job of enforcing the no cats on the kitchen counter rule.” TJ applied a swat to my butt and shooed George off the counter.
“Owe.” I rubbed my butt. “Yes, keeping the cats off the counter was at the top of my list while I was having rape flashbacks,” I replied.
She applied another firm swat to my butt as I was bending down to put the cat food on the floor. “Mind the attitude or we will be continuing this conversation after I’ve warmed your butt,” she warned me.
“Will that get me out of eating the bran cereal?” I realized that maybe I should have kept my mouth shut about the bran cereal when TJ yanked my boxers down, bent me over a kitchen chair, and began to paddle me with a wooden spoon. She is wicked with that damn spoon. She laid a series of firm whacks one on top of the other until it felt like she had removed all skin from that part of my ass. I was having a pretty major cry by the time she helped me up and pulled me into a hug. I stood there--boxers pooled around my ankles, crying into her shoulder. When my cries turned into quiet hiccups she let me go. “Pull up your boxers and have a seat,” she instructed.
I gave a small pout. “Can’t I stand?”
“No. Sit.” She scooped yogurt on top of the cereal and placed a bowl in front of me. “Eat.”
I picked up my spoon and began to stir the yogurt into the cereal. I still hadn’t taken a bite, when TJ got up from the table to take her now empty bowl to the sink. “You can get up, and we can go sit on the sofa.” I began to rise out of my chair. TJ pushed me back down. “When you have finished your breakfast. I’ll be in the lounge reading the paper, come join me when you’re finished.”
I stared down into the bowl, getting old sucks. When did Apple Jacks with two percent milk turn into All Bran cereal and non-fat yogurt? Eating to stay regular sucks; I let out a huff.
“Stop being stubborn,” TJ called from the other room. “You do actually like the stuff, so you don’t need to act like I’m feeding you maggots and dog poo.”
I smiled and took a bite. “Now you’ve really ruined my appetite.” I tried to sound serious, but it didn’t work. “Maggots and dog poo? You’re disgusting.”
“Thank you. Finish your breakfast.”
When I had finally finished, I took my bowl to the sink and rinsed it. “Do you want some tea? I’m going to put the kettle on.” I called out.
I didn’t hear a reply, instead I felt TJ standing behind me. She took the kettle out of my hand and turned the water off. “Stop stalling.” She pointed to the cold stove. I placed the kettle down.
She took me by the hand and led me to the lounge. We both sat on the couch, and I cuddled into her. I felt tears welling up behind my eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“I know, but we’re going to anyways,” she said in a soft and loving voice.
“Verge said he told you everything.”
“Yes, but you’ve told me nothing.” She began to play with my hair. “I need to hear it from you. I need to know how you are.”
“Crappy. I’m crappy. Can we be done now? Can you spank me? Can we be done now?” I began to cry. “I want it over…make it go away please.”
“I wish I could baby. But, a spanking isn’t going to make it go away.”
I looked up at her with surprised look.
She smiled. “I didn’t say I wasn’t going to spank you. I said, 'a spanking won’t make all your hurt go away.' Will it?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“What do you need? What can we do to help you feel better?”
“You moved back,” I said.
“Yes, I did,” she said. TJ placed her hand under my chin and turned my head so I was looking her directly in the eyes. “But, my moving home isn’t going to fix things, unless you are willing to tell me what is going on. You need to be willing to work hard processing this stuff, changing to healthier behaviors, and accepting my help—whether it comes in the form of a healthy breakfast, a long talk, or a spanking. Are you willing to do that?”
“Is any of that negotiable?”
“Yes,” she replied. “But as always, I have the final say. Today, we are talking, and then dealing with the many, many rules that were broken this past week.” TJ applied a soft kiss to my lips. “Why don’t you start with Monday? What did you do after dropping me off at the airport?”
We were cuddled to together on the couch for the rest of the morning. I bared my sole. We made lists of healthier choices I could have made over the course of the week, and developed a plan to help me through this latest episode of flashbacks. When we finished, TJ asked how I felt about our plans. I felt pretty good; we had developed a plan of things we knew helped to pull me out of the doldrums. It consisted of balanced meals, exercise, journaling, increased therapy sessions, and little time to myself. It had worked before, and I knew would again. I felt so much better knowing there was a plan to get past the depression, and knowing TJ would be there holding my hand all the way. We sat quietly for a while just enjoying each other’s presence.
Too soon I felt TJ moving to get up. “I need to use the bathroom. Why don’t you try and go too. I’ll meet you in the bedroom when we’re done.” That was it; my sentence had been passed, and we were moving on to the punishment part. I looked up at her with sad eyes. “Come on,” she said helping me up. “We’ll both feel better when this is done, and we can move on.”
I nodded and slowly moved towards our bedroom. I used the toilet, washed my hands, and then made my way towards TJ and our bed. She was sitting against the headboard. The hairbrush was sitting on the bedside table. She patted her lap.
I shook my head.
She held out her hand. “Yes, my love, we need to get this taken care of.”
I placed my hand in hers; she pulled me toward her, and down over her lap. I felt her fingers slip into the waistband of my boxers, and she slid them down to my knees.
I grabbed at the duvet, bunched it into a pillow, and buried my head. This was going to be a long one.
I didn’t want to focus on what this spanking was for, so I used all my tricks to try and daydream away. I started to think of what we could have for dinner. I ran through all the ingredients to see if we needed to go to the store, but then the sting grew too much for me to concentrate on much else. I decided to focus on my breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out. “Fuck that hurts.” I tried to wiggle away. TJ pulled me closer to her, which allowed for a lot less wiggle. In and out, in and out. “TJ, please it hurts.” Soon my breathing was full of gasps, hiccupped sobs, and occasional, “hurts…TJ…hurts.”
She stopped, and rubbed my back, while I cried into the bed covers. My crying slowed, and TJ’s hand moved to my fire hot bum. “Okay sweetheart, it’s time to focus on the complete and total unacceptableness of you keeping things from me.” I could feel TJ turn a bit, and I heard her pick up the hairbrush.
I turned my head to look at TJ. “Please, please TJ, I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t ever do it again. I hurt so much already, please, not the hairbrush.”
She ran her hand over my butt again. “Katie,” she paused. “I think some of your acting out this week was to see if I would come home and rescue you.”
I began to softly cry.
“I can’t rescue you from yourself. I can be here for you, with you—and I can give you consequences to help deter you from engaging in the same type of unhealthy behaviors again.” TJ’s hand stopped its soothing rub of my butt, and I quickly felt the painful sting of the brush.
The brush did a full round on my poor bum. TJ stopped, and ran the brush over my scorched skin. “Is it okay for you to disregard eating a health diet?”
“No,” I sobbed.
“No, it is not,” she said, and emphasized her point with another round with the hairbrush.
She stopped again. “Is it okay for you to ignore your obligations to your job and your friends?”
“No.”
“No, it’s not.” She again emphasized her point with a round of swats.
“Is it okay for you to disregard my instructions?” This time she didn’t stop spanking.
I shook my head.
“Is it okay for you to break the law?”
I again shook my head.
“How do I feel about you hurting yourself as a way of dealing with your emotional pain?”
“You don’t like it,” I responded.
“No, I don’t. And I really don’t like you ignoring and avoiding talking to me.” With that statement she seemed to have gained a bit more strength, because the hairbrush now had a lot more umff behind it as it landed on my sore backside. “Katie Meagan if you ever keep even half as much from me as you did this week, I will get my daddies old strap and turn you backside purple. Understand?”
I know I responded in the affirmative, but I have no idea what I said. She landed the brush on my butt a few last times to accentuate her point, and then gathered me into her arms. As my tears ran dry I fell into an exhausted sleep. When I woke I was alone in the bed. I slowly raised my head to look for TJ. She walked out of the closet dressed in shorts, a t-shirt and tennis shoes. “Oh good you’re awake.” She came over and sat next to me on the bed. She ran her fingers softly through my hair and helped me to sit up. She handed me a glass of water and a couple of aspirin from the bedside table. “Here you go baby, I’m sure if you don’t have a headache already, you will soon from all of this mornings emotion."
I took the pills.
TJ got up off of the bed, and grabbed a set of workout clothes for me off the top of the dresser. “Come on sweetheart, I think we should try and get a walk in.”
I gave her a look of sheer horror.
She smiled. “Fresh air and movement will do us both some good.”
I raised my eyebrows at her.
She picked up a bottle of lotion. “Roll over,” she instructed. “I’ll put some lotion on your butt; it will make the walk a little easier.” The cool lotion felt so good on my scorched bottom. I sighed in relief. “Don’t get used to it. I just don’t want you to feel like you are chaffing while we walk.” TJ helped me into a sitting position. I hissed as my butt made contact with the mattress. She helped me to dress and put my shoes on.
We had a short walk. The fresh air actually did feel great, but the best part was how good I felt. My body wasn't holding so much tension, stress, anxiety, and fear. When we arrived back at the house, I pulled TJ into a hug. “Thank you. Thank you for coming home. Thank you for helping to put me back together. Thank you for loving me.”
TJ kissed me, and then looked seriously into my eyes. I could feel love radiating from us. She spoke softly, “Thank you for loving me.”
The End.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Copyright TBL 2009
