"They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them." --Eeyore, The House at Pooh Corner
Title: Accidents Will Happen
Pairings: Katie, Chris & Verge, Syd & Samantha
Music and Lyrics: Elvis Costello
Implements: hand, paddle, hairbrush
It had been a long and exhausting week. I hadn’t been sleeping well, there was too much work to do at The Center and we were heading into midterms at the University.
I was so thankful when I had finished office hours. Normally, I conducted office hours on Tuesday afternoons and Chris did his on Thursday afternoons. This week we switched because TJ had been in for a long weekend the previous week. Office hours were horrible today, lots and lots of overly needy students worried about the upcoming midterm, and if any of you believe there is no such thing as a dumb question, you are sorely mistaken. Sometimes I thoroughly question how some of my students were admitted to the university. For one of the essay questions on the upcoming exam, students need to explain the difference between gender identity and sexual identity, and I had one young man who was just really struggling with the difference. He had several very annoying questions and comments, and it had taken all my will power to stay calm and answer in a professional and understanding way. But, after 45 minutes of giving examples, he still wasn’t getting it when he made the following comment, “So, I don’t get why you just don’t get a sex change if you want to have sex with women.”
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I was so, so very thankful when my cell phone went off on my way to my car. I glanced down at the caller ID, “Virgil, baby, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m great,” he said, “turn around.”
I turned to see Verge shutting off his cell phone and moving at hyper speed to swing me into a tight embrace, “Hey, what are you doing here?” I questioned.
“I was doing rapid HIV tests at the Student Health Center. Usually I meet Chris and we have lunch. Today, I thought I would surprise you,” he said kissing me on the cheek. “Oh, and I don’t feel like taking the light rail back to the clinic, so I thought you might give me a ride,” he said giving me his cutest puppy dog eyes and cheekiest grin.
Verge took hold of my hand and we chatted the whole way to the car. I filled him in on my difficult student. I knew he would help me vent. We were still fuming when I began to back the jeep out of a very tight parking space. The car lurched to a quick halt as I heard the horrible sound of metal crunching metal.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
I stopped the car; Verge and I got out to assess the damage. I had added a large dent and gash to the silver BMW roadster, with the license plate reading ‘MBA DEAN.’
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Fuck!” Verge exclaimed.
“Fuck,” I whispered, I had just broadsided Samantha Smothers’ brand new BMW. That would be Dean Smothers of the Business School; Samantha of Syd and Samantha. This was the same new BMW I had been badmouthing for weeks. In fact, I may have even said something about wanting to ram my jeep into it. “Fuck.”
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(Three weeks ago)
Chris, Verge, Syd and I were enjoying the gastronomical sensation that is crumble coffee cake, fresh from the oven. The kind where some of the sugar crumble is slightly caramelized and gooey. The kind that causes butter to perfectly melt and dribble down the sides. The kind that leaves your mouth slightly dry and can only be sated by warm creamy coffee or tea. The kind that causes you to close your eyes out of the sheer pleasure with each bite. The kind that makes you vocal cords release involuntary sounds of delight.
“Dear god, Katie, it is just a slice of coffee cake,” Chris interrupted with his warm deep laugh, “When will TJ be home? Soon I hope, I don’t think I can handle watching another food induced orgasm.”
I flipped him off as I went back into the house for another piece of cake. I decided maybe it was best to just bring the whole pan with me.
“Ooooo, that is beautiful,” the envy drooled from Chris’ voice.
“No shit, were you not just listening to me,” I replied.
“Not that,” Verge said pointing to the cake, “that,” Virgil pointed to a brand spanking new convertible silver BMW roadster.
Samantha Smothers pulled the BMW to a stop in the driveway, exited the car, removed the scarf from her hair, and shook her long hair out. I watched Syd’s eyes twinkle with delight at the site of her adoration.
I hate Samantha Smothers, but it was almost impossible to admit that she was not attractive watching her exit the roadster.
The Dean was closeted, she felt it benefited her business career. Whether or not she actually benefited financially from not disclosing her sexual orientation, I don’t know, but the fact that she used it as her excuse, irked me to no end. The fact that I could rarely keep quiet about being irked was beginning to be a bone of contention between Syd and I.
Syd felt that no matter what Samantha’s reasons for not disclosing her sexuality, it was none of my business and I needed to keep my mouth shut, and the more I continued to open it the more TJ was quickly beginning to take Syd’s opinion. Lately the only thing that made me thankful for TJ’s absence was the fact that she wasn’t around to hear me venting about the Dean.
Verge went downstairs to let Samantha in, he was praising the beauty of the car, as they walked out onto the deck, “It is a show stopper.”
“Yes, it is that,” Samantha laughed, “you would not believe the number of men I have caught checking me out this past week.”
Syd walked over to the Dean, placed a hand around her back, and drew her into a kiss. “Well how could you blame them,” Syd laughed, “you are stunning.”
“Yeah, stunningly pretentious,” I said under my breath to Chris.
“I would be careful if I were, Syd is about done with your attitude,” Chris warned.
“Whatever. It would feel so good to ram my jeep into that blatant disgusting display of wealth,” I replied.
Just then I felt my arm yanked, as I was pulled into the house, “Katheryn, how dare you be so completely and totally disrespectful to a guest in my house,” Syd emphasized her point with several firm swats to my butt. “I have warned you about your attitude, but should you do anything to that car, mark my words, you may never sit comfortably again.”
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“You didn’t do that on purpose, did you?” Verge asked.
“No, I would never…well I know I said I wanted to…Fuck! Syd is going to kill me,” I whined as I sat down on the floor of the parking garage. I buried my head in my hands, shaking it from side to side, while muttering obscenities under my breath.
“Katie, get up, we have to go,” Verge’s voice had a sudden intensity to it.
“What?” I questioned.
“Get up. Get in the car. Now.” Verge said as he helped me up off the ground and into the passenger side of my car. He took the keys from my hand, hopped into the driver’s seat, started the ignition, and drove us out of the parking garage and right past the Dean. I don’t know what came over me, but I gave her a little smile and wave as Verge drove past her. “What the fuck was that?” Verge asked, as I lowered my hand and once again buried my head in my hands, “Accidents will happen,” Verge said trying to calm me down.
Humph. “Yeah, we only hit and run,” I said sarcastically.
“I don’t want to hear it, cause I know what we’ve done,” Verge said as he continued to drive us towards downtown.
I continued to mumble to myself. “Katie, what are you talking about?” Verge finally asked.
“Syd,” I cried, “Syd, said I would never sit comfortably again, if I did anything to that car.”
“Katie, it was an accident.”
“Yeah, you don’t even believe that or you wouldn’t have thrown me into the car and drove off,” I continued to cry into my hands.
“And besides,” Verge continued, “Syd will tell TJ, but I doubt she will spank you.”
What planet was he living on? Oh, I had no doubt that Syd would spank me, nor that she would tell TJ, and the topping on the cake was that TJ told me if I did anything to the Dean’s car, I just may never sit again.
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We arrived back at the Victorian. This was by far the first time I had shown up on this doorstep a big teary mess. But, it was the first time; Verge and I had arrived on this doorstep as a pair of big teary messes. We had done it this time; it might have all been fine if I had owned up to the accident at the scene. And Verge was no help at all, he freaked out, covered it up and now it was a huge disaster.
Chris swung the door open, just as Verge was inserting his key. He looked panicked, “hey what happened,” he took us both into an embrace, “come sit down, tell me what’s going on.”
He ushered us over to the couch and looked between us waiting for one of us to begin our tale, my sobs continued, but I finally spit out, “Oh I just don’t know where to begin.”
Chris took a deep breath, “I can wait,” he said. Course he can, bastard.
Well, I thought, it’s now or never. I began my tale of woe, starting with the difficult office hours and continuing right through to broadsiding the dean’s car.
Chris released a small whistle, “Oh honey, but it was an accident,” Chris said pulling me into a hug I nodded into his shoulder.
“Katie, Baby, it will be fine, you left a note…”
Verge erupted into tears.
“Oh Lord, Katie please tell me you left a note?” Chris asked.
I looked at Verge. He just continued to cry. I shook my head.
Just then the front door came swinging open and Syd ran in and grabbed me, “Honey, what happened to your car?” She spun me around looking for signs of damage to my body, “Are you okay?”
Chris went over to comfort Verge, “Hey, it’s going to be alright. She didn’t do it on purpose. Syd’s not going to be happy, but it will be fine.”
Syd pulled me out of the hug, and stood me back so we were looking eye to eye, “Syd’s not going to be happy about what?” She questioned me.
I stood silently trying to figure out how to answer her question.
“Kathryn, what am I not going to be happy about?” She asked a second time.
This time before I could answer, Syd’s cell phone began to ring.
“You might want to get that,” Chris said.
Syd glanced at the caller ID and shook her head, “Oh Katie, it better not be,” Syd flipped open her phone and immediately I could here the Dean’s very irate voice.
The Dean’s voice was so loud that Chris, Verge and I could make out the majority of the conversation, “Gash in the side of the car…obnoxious rude woman…waved…had the audacity to wave at me…”
Syd’s eyes narrowed, she snapped her fingers and motioned for me to sit down on the couch next to Chris and Verge.
We continued to listen the ranting, “…and Virgil, I would have never expected this of him…seems like such a nice man...I never thought she would be able to talk him into something like this…”
Chris turned to Virgil, “I thought Katie dented the car?”
“I did,” I answered.
“Then why was Virgil driving?” he questioned, “and neither of you happened to mention that you actually saw Samantha.”
Ugg, this is where the story goes from bad to worse.
Syd took a deep breath, “Samantha, love,” I just wanted to gag, but I was feeling I might be pushing my luck, so I decided that maybe it would be better to verify that I was wearing shoes, and that they matched my socks, “No, I don’t think there is any reason to involve the police…”
“Eeehhh,” I squealed.
Syd raised her finger to her lips to signal that my sound effects were not necessary, “Samantha, I know you are angry, but I have the culprits in custody, and be assured your car will be fixed pronto, and the guilty parties will face the repercussions for their actions…No, love no need to come over now…why don’t you take the car to the body shop…any body shop is fine,” I started to protest, but again Syd raised her finger to her lips, “…just get it fixed as quickly as possible…yes, yes…we will see you when you are done…yes, they would definitely like to apologize to you in person…”
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!
“Okay….I love you…see you then,” and with that Syd hung up the phone.
Chris got up off the couch and he and Syd stood before Verge and I, both of them with there hands on their hips, both with looks of complete disappointment, it was obvious they were related, and in some way it was very cute to watch this scene knowing that in years past it had been Chris and I sitting on this couch receiving that look from Syd.
When had Chris moved to the dark side and how had I managed to stay here fighting the good fight, for truth, justice and the American way. Wait that wasn’t quite it, I fight for impudence, late night reruns of Roseanne, and the right to a pasty white bottom. Oh well, whatever.
Syd continued to stare me down; I adjusted myself on the couch, realizing that my butt would not be pasty white again for a very long time.
“The story please,” Syd instructed, “from the beginning, nothing left out, not a thing!”
Verge and I erupted into the details, all the bloody gory details.
Upon completion, Chris quietly took Verge by the hand and led him into their bedroom.
Syd took me by the hand and led me upstairs into the lounge of her flat. She sat me on the edge of the coffee table and left the room, only to return a moment later with her hairbrush.
“Pants down, Kathryn,” Syd firmly stated.
I fumbled with the button, and struggled to apologize, “I…I am so sorry. It was an accident Syd.”
“Yes, I know that,” she said, motioning for me to continue to divest myself of my cargos, “and if it had only been the accident we wouldn’t be here. You miss have been rude and disrespectful to Samantha since the day you met her. Which in itself I should have put a stop to long ago, but I allowed your sadness over your long distance relationship with TJ to cloud my judgment, for that I apologize,” great she was apologizing for not spanking my ass earlier, this was not going well. “And, for some reason the addition of the BMW completely escalated your unacceptable behavior. Had you not gotten yourself so worked up you would have never been tempted to leave the scene of an accident. It is for your rudeness, disrespect, arrogance, and running from the problem that you are being spanked.”
I let go of my pants and they pooled around my ankles. Syd guided me into position over her lap, lowered my underpants, and began a steady stream of spanks.
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“Corner,” Chris said as we entered the bedroom. It had been such a long time since I had been spanked and I had absolutely no doubt that I was about to be spanked.
I do not like Samantha Smothers, and I had told Chris so. He had told me he was not a huge fan either, but she was kind to Syd, Syd cared for her, and because of that we were to show her kindness and respect.
I didn’t want to.
Like Katie, I wanted to be rude and spiteful. It wasn’t fair that just because TJ wasn’t around, Katie was allowed to express her true feelings regarding the Dean. I was jealous. I wanted to be snarky, I wanted to chastise her, and Chris had told me in no uncertain terms that should I indulge in my desire for meanness that my bottom would sorely regret it.
So, here I was in the corner waiting for my first spanking in over a year. I hated this, left here to contemplate the error of my ways and listen to Chris move about the room. I could hear him in the closet, rummaging through boxes. Damn, he was getting the paddle.
Tears began to roll down my cheek.
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I wanted to ask her to stop, but every one of the spanks Syd landed on my butt was deserved.
I began to sob as I realized how my behavior, meant to express my displeasure with Samantha’s choices, must have hurt Syd. I loved her, she had helped me to grow into a strong woman, and with every rude comment I had directed at Samantha, I had hurt this fabulous woman that I loved so much.
When Syd’s hand stopped falling I continued to sob, “I am so sorry Syd, I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
Syd gently rubbed my back, “I know honey, but you need to learn to control that temper and mouth of yours,” Syd stopped rubbing my back and picked up the hairbrush.
“Yes,” I whispered and with that the hairbrush began to fall.
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“Okay, love, let’s do this,” Chris said.
I turned from the corner, and walked over to him.
“Pants off,” he instructed.
I took a deep breath and began to remove my scrub pants. Once off, I tossed them in the laundry hamper and moved over to Chris. He placed his hand into the waist band of my undershorts, lowering them to my knees, he pulled me across his lap.
I watched him pick up the paddle and cried as he began to wield it expertly across my rear.
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The rest of the day passed in a blur.
Samantha showed up and Verge and I gave our heart (and bottom) felt apologies.
I called TJ and confessed the error of my ways. She was not pleased and suggested I spend every other Saturday for the next year detailing the Dean’s roadster. I begged an pleaded, it was negotiated down to four months and a spanking upon each of TJ’s next three visits.
And that my friends is my tale of BMW woe.
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Copyright TBL 2008
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Disclaimer: No BMWs were harmed in the writing of this tale.
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Coffee Cake Recipe
Preheat Oven to 400 degrees
2 cups Bisquick
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2/3 cup milk
Mix and pour ½ the batter into a greased cake pan.
1 1/3 cup bisquick
1 1/3 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup butter, firm
2 packages of almond slivers
Mix until crumbly.
Make small dollops with 1/3 of the crumble on top of the panned batter. Pour the remaining half of the batter on top of the crumble dollops. Top the batter with the remaining 2/3 of Topping. Bake for 25 minutes.